Healthy relationships - an overview

It doesn’t matter if you’re together or separated, your relationship with your co-parent can have an impact on your child(ren)’s long term life outcomes. Within Cheshire East, we want to ensure that this impact is a positive one and have therefore implemented a pathway of support that is available to all families at any stage of your relationship.

Whether you are having ongoing difficulties with your ex-partner over child contact, or if you are noticing that you are bickering more, or spending less time with a current partner or someone else that that plays a big part in your life, support is available. Cheshire East’s Healthy Relationship Programme focuses on the different ways that couples behave and interact, rather than the status of your relationship.

The term ‘conflict’ can appear quite powerful, however, The Oxford Dictionary describes conflict as ‘a situation in which there are ideas, opinions, feelings or wishes that are opposed to each other; a situation in which it is difficult to choose.’

The video below explores how theses disagreements can impact children:

Video - Parental conflict: the impact on children - YouTube 

Conflict between parents can be expressed in numerous ways:

  • Verbal arguments that can be frequent and intense and that may resurface over the same issues such as finances, children, or household chores.
  • There is usually a cause to the argument such as a ‘life stressor’ that can be unpicked after further exploration if not clear from the outset.
  • Playing on your phone or doing another activity when the other person is trying to speak.
  • Blatantly not listening to what someone has to say by talking over them.
  • Thinking about what you want to say next, instead of actually acknowledging what the other person is saying.
  • Not speaking to each other for long periods or one person ignoring the other.
  • Talking through the children to make a point towards the other parent/carer.
  • Ongoing issues where neither person backs down or apologies.
  • Unable to come to conclusions or agreements. 
  • Interrupting, raising your voice, eye rolling or huffing when the other person is talking.
  • Laughing at the other person when they are expressing their feelings.
  • Being dismissive.
  • Inability or unwillingness to open up and communicate on an emotional level. This could be due to unwanted drama, anxiety, stress or simply because both or either parent does not have the appropriate skills to do so.
  • Not fully complying with agreements, such as dropping children off to the other parent late.
  • Making accusations towards the other person or services that are not relevant or true.
  • Low level blaming and/or refusal to submit to one another rules or requests.

Parental relationships that are characterised by hostility and distress are typically less sensitive and emotionally responsive to their children’s needs, creating tension and unpredictability within the family environment.

Conflict that does not make either parent feel scared, unsafe or threatened. However, this does not mean that children do not feel worried or insecure.

When children are exposed to positive parental relationships (whether together or separated) they are more likely to:

When children are confident of the love of both parents, they are more easily able to adjust to new situations and succeed in all aspects of life.

When parents support one another with similar rules, sanctions, and rewards, children are more likely to acknowledge what is expected of them regarding their behaviour.

When parents cooperate positively and amicably with one another, their child will mirror this throughout their future.

Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to solve problems effectively and peacefully themselves.

When parents are equally involved in supporting children towards academic success, a child’s commitment to achieve will increase due to their improved self-esteem and security in knowing that their achievements will be recognised and celebrated by both parents alike.

When parents get along and jointly prioritise their children’s needs, children are less likely to develop issues such as anxiety and depression.

Potential causes

Throughout life we all encounter change and significant events that can alter our lived experiences, feelings and individual needs. Life events and differences in opinion can trigger issues in relationships, this may include (but is not limited to):

If you or someone you know are struggling with any of the aspects above, please visit the support services linked, contact healthyrelationships@cheshireeast.gov.uk, pop into your local Children’s Centre/Family Hub or call the Family Help Front Door on 0300 123 5012 (option 3, option 1) for an informal discussion.

Disclaimer

Cheshire East’s Healthy Relationships Programme does not promote nor endorse the services advertised on this website. Anyone seeking to use/access such services does so at their own risk and should make all appropriate enquiries about fitness for purpose and suitability to meet their needs.


Page last reviewed: 10 January 2024

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